A lament

Father, turn your eyes to me. Look upon my pain. The scars are reminders of the past. The tenderness is gone from my body, the nerve endings are mostly dead. Yet the memories remain.

Why did you destroy my reputation? Why did you count me among those who are divorced? What did you humiliate me in such a public way?

Did you see my sadness and my grief? My children were injured. I could barely care for them. Will their trajectory be poisoned? Will they experience any good in the life ahead?

Where were the condolences for my loss? I had all the pain of a widow. And all the pain of betrayal. There was no burial service. There will be none. There was no wake or time of public encouragement. No one came with casseroles. Only inquisitions and assumptions. Was I not injured enough that you had to add humiliation to my grief? Was that not enough that you had to add economic fear?

I am thankful that I learned to walk again. But will I walk forever with a limp? Will my confidence fully return? Will I have boldness again?

I confess my anger toward you Lord. Please melt away resentment and bitterness. Please forgive any unbelief or error I may have entertained toward you while I was in pain. Please lighten my burden Take away the pain that remains. Turn this mess into a miracle. Grow roses in this manure.

Lord, I know you are good. I know you are sovereign. I know you are faithful. I know I am yours. I know that it will be used for my good. You made all things from nothing simply by speaking. Who can do such things but you?

Praise you Sovereign Lord. You have been in the pit with me. You carried me through the fire. You held my head above the flooding waters. Your mercies are still new every morning. Blessed be your great Name.

Steve M